Living, Learing, Loving.

I have had a lot on my mind as of lately. I was a camp counselor a week ago and I injured my neck in the pool, that was a huge scare. But all is well.
I feel as like I am wasting my time if I am not out spreading the Gospel or serving someone. A desk job is not what I would like to be doing. God has been showing me and talking to me about the way the disciples lived, what they did, and how they did it. I think/thought God was calling me to live exactly like them and I am willing. But, I don't truly believe it is the lifestyle God is calling me to. I would like to sell all my stuff and just start traveling, but I am to obey. Just because I can make huge sacrifices in God's name doesn't mean He is telling me to make such sacrifices. I believe He is showing me and building these passion in me to get my mind on track with Him. I have such a passion to just go out and serve. I want to just go out and find someone who needs help. It's ridiculous to think this radically but it is passions as big as this that God uses to rebuke me in a different area of my life.
Sierra, you are so willing to sell everything and go where ever for Me, but are you willing to keep what you have and stay where I have placed you to minister to those I send to you?
Conviction.
I always feel like I'm selfish and self-centered if I live in a house with a queen size bed and a 52" TV. I feel like I could be doing something better. I should be doing something more. I want to GO! I want to just start walking and help everyone who crosses my path.
I want dreams.
Everyone when they were a child dreamed about growing up and doing something. I was a slightly normal child with hopes and dreams. Though as I grew up my dreams became more radical. I now feel as if I have lost all my dreams. I no longer want to be a teacher when I grow up, I don't really want to be a professional photographer for National Geographic or Discovery. I don't want to own or run a business. I don't want to be a millionaire. 
I want to be outdoors: hiking, climbing, kayaking, boating, swimming, running, walking:
I don't really want a profession, but at the same time I feel like I'm suppose to. I don't know if I'll go to a 4 year college after this year, considering I don't feel a need to except the freedom of 'I can officially do want I want when I want to.'
I would do it to get away.
There are things I want to experience though, liking living in a dorm at college, setting out on a trip (walking, biking or driving), raise money for the poor. There are a ton of things I want to accomplish too, I want to get married, lead someone to Christ, die for Christ, and walk in the Spirit everyday!

I hate the influence people have on my life. I always look to other for an example. I want to ONLY look to God. 


with all my love,
may God bless you,
S. R. Macke


ps. today is the day God brought me into this world.